Meet the Brothers

Danny Powers (’18)

Captain of the Flying Dutchman

Rather dashing, tussled hair, a relaxed feel, sunglasses, none of these words can quite capture the essence of Danny Powers. Danny likes to sail, at least, that’s what it looks like on the surface. There are those who say that Danny’s heart is kept in a box on the land, and he can only come on land once every 7 years, sort of like that squid-face guy in the Johnny Depp movie. Even if he Danny suffers from a squid-face curse, he doesn’t let it show. He’s cool as a cucumber, smooth as a cucumber, and tasty like a hushpuppy. When the rest of us have troubles in life, we can rest easy in the knowledge that Danny is somewhere out there on the waves, takin’ a load off for the sake of the free world.

 

David Schaub (’18)

12 Foot Tall Giant

Raised in the Jewish homeland of this country, New York, David is one swanky and cool dude. His most notable features include being approximately 9 feet tall, and can be spotted playing some bball outside after school. As a public policy and mathematics double major, you could say that David is just one giant nerd, but his hobbies indicate otherwise. Aside from basketball, he loves to play golf and FIFA. David is a working man, holding positions such as working at the campus rec and being a housing assistant, but he always makes time for his friends and his fraternity. He likes that a lot.

Raised in the Jewish homeland of this country, New York, David is one swanky and cool dude. His most notable features include being approximately 9 feet tall, and can be spotted playing some bball outside after school. As a public policy and mathematics double major, you could say that David is just one giant nerd, but his hobbies indicate otherwise. Aside from basketball, he loves to play golf and FIFA. David is a working man, holding positions such as working at the campus rec and being a housing assistant, but he always makes time for his friends and his fraternity. He likes that a lot.

 

Stephen  Simon (’18)

Man with the Plan.

Steven Simon holds the distinction of being the first brother ever to hail from Fairfax, Virginia (not). With an interest in business, Steven recently completed an internship this summer with the Boston Public Market, a year round indoor market new to the city.

As an extremely dedicated member of the Tau Pi chapter, Steven was appointed social chair his freshman year, and created many new events. His work allowed the chapter to meet new groups and increase our presence on campus. Having recently been elected president of the chapter, Steven is looking to make Tau Pi even stronger and more meaningful for all. His brothers have this to say about him:

Professors come to him with their questions. Rabbis seek his advice on interpretation of the Talmud. His shirts never wrinkle. Cars look both ways before he crosses Richmond Rd. He doesn’t join fraternities, but when he does, he joins AEPi. Steven Simon is the most interesting brother in the world.

 

Brendan Helm (’18)

(snare drum sound followed by cymbal sound)

Brendan Helm is just a simple backwater country-boy from the swamps of N’Orleans. You’ll never find a rootin’ tootin’ skiddly-diddly-dootin’ good ol’ boy quite like him anywhere at the college! A lumberjack by trade, Brendan finances his college education by doing freelance deforesting in the swamps of Williamsburg where he feels quite at home. When not jacking lumber, you can find him micro-dosing himself with cyanide to build up an immunity just in case he finds himself in a Princess Bride-type assassination scenario. He generally takes his teatime with Tom Briggs at about a quarter past 4. He is double majoring in theoretical art history and applied metallurgy.

 

“the Once and Future” Ben Neider (’18)

Simple Farm Boy

Ben Neider is the biggest baddest backhanded bashful boorish buff basic Ben in Alpha Epsilon Pi this side of the Mississippi. He’s going to go to the other side to claim that title as soon as he whips us into shape. (Prediction: April 2037) One day he woke up, got out of bed, had breakfast, and barged into the Dean of Students Office and declared he was going to have his own major gosh dang it. The dean cowered in fear as he signed the documents, saying “Whatever you say Ben, for you are the biggest baddest backhanded bashful boorish buff basic Ben on this side of the Mississippi.” He smiled at this suggestion, then marched over to Sorority Court and barged into the Alpha Epsilon Pi House, where an unwitting group of assorted Bens were playing Smash. He grabbed a controller, entered the game, and mercilessly ruined all of their days. Then he drops the controller, and as he walks out he says, “I’m the only Ben around these here parts, got it?” The people now no longer known as ‘Ben’ whimpered their affirmative to the loss of their names. The only true Ben growled, “Good. Now scram punks.” He ripped the door off its hinges and walked out. It was going to be a lovely day.

 

Nick Rudman (’18)

Soft Speaker with a Big Stick

Nicholas Rudman is a man of character. A man of loyalty. A man of quality. A man so perceptive, he is capable of guessing the make and model of another man’s underwear with his eyes closed and his hands behind his back. A man of such esteem, he is a Classics/Latin double major who will be making more bank than you ever will. A man who enjoys high-brow artistic endeavors such as “You Are a Pirate.” A man who embodies the spirit of leadership, good will, Judaism, stoicism, and responsibility. But most of all, he is an AEPi. And for that, he will always remain: Brother Nick Rudman.

 

Tom Briggs (’18)

Bee-like Insect

Today, we observe the wild Thomas Briggs in his natural habitat. Watch closely as he cleans his thick fur with the largest tongue in the animal kingdom. He uses this tongue to trap and eat his main food source: angel tears. Tom’s skin has adapted to keep him safe from predators by changing color and texture to camouflage himself. He uses similar techniques to camouflage his feelings, keeping him safe from forming deep emotional connections. Why won’t you open up to me Tom? Why? Contrary to popular belief, the wild Tom does not mate for life, but mates for death. As a result, he can only have sex once in his lifetime, but I bet it’s like, really really good sex probably. When Tom is not busy being studied by entomologists the world around, he can be found working on music for his new band, which he describes as a techno-funk post-indiecore project. He also generally takes his teatime with Brendan Helm at about a quarter past 4. He is triple majoring in small, medium, and large.

 

Colin Lightfoot (’18)

He who saw the cities of many men, and learned their hearts

 

Even from a young age, Colin’s life has always revolved around one thing: speed.  Whether it was snarfing down donuts at a blistering pace, or racing cheetahs on his daily jogs, Colin has worked tirelessly to push past the very limits of human quickness in all endeavors.  Upon turning 18, however, he finally realized that his dream of becoming Lightning McQueen when he grew up would never come to fruition without a good education, and subsequently decided to enroll at the College of William & Mary, which is basically the Lightning McQueen of colleges, as long as you don’t think about it too much.   Now, he is attempting to graduate as quickly as possible, majoring in computer science with a minor in math in the hope that he can one day turn himself into a sentient sports car.  Fortunately, he has decided to make AEPi a part of his whirlwind tour of Williamsburg, for which we are all grateful.  When he isn’t in class, you can find Colin zipping around campus in a blur, working (quickly, we assume) as a lab consultant, or otherwise hanging out at the AEPi house, imagining the day when he finally breaks the sound barrier.

 

Harrison Feiner may one day get his bio back.

Drew Liquerman (’19)

International Man of Mystery

Drew is a pretty cool guy, know what I mean? Like I’m not even exaggerating though. When he’s not skiing all over the country, he’s skiing all into your DM’s. He’s simultaneously Mr. Steal Your Girl and the NJB you want to bring home to Bubbe. After spending some time at St. Andrews perfecting his golf game and learning more about how to flood your timeline with pro-Israel videos, Drew hopes to use his extensive knowledge of IR and ukulele to “make America great again.” Seriously, you should get to know him, I’m not even lying.

Peter Brooks (’19)

Nor’easter

Peter hails from the unknown lands beyond the Hudson, the fabled New England. What wonders can he tell us of life in New Hampshire, whose people are so wise and knowledgeable that they were chosen by Moses, Abe Lincoln, and Santa Claus to vote in the first primary? With the blonde hair and vineyard vines apparel of a true man from the North East, people wonder what he could possibly gain from this 18th century backwater that is Williamsburg in sleepy South East Virginia. Peter is a cultured man, speaking about 17 languages, including Kling-on, Elfish, and WASP. Studying International Relations and Economics, with a concentration in Starboard Tacks, Peter is destined to find fame and fortune along his journey to find brotherhood and friendship.

 

Jonah Yesowitz (’19)

President of the World.

“Bridging the gap between your representative and your girl”

From the inauspicious streets of the Dirty Jerz to freshman class president, Jonah’s inexorable quest toward supremacy is a sight to behold. “Experienced”, “A leader”, “Altruistic”, “A tribesman”, and “Motivated” are just some of the descriptors Jonah assigns himself, and the fraternity can attest to their truth. “He’s out to rule the world”, observes fellow Macher Kevin Kay. Between dominating Student Assembly with an iron fist and double majoring in business and psychology, the Prez manages to carve out time to run rush. Clearly his ambitions of world rule know no end.

Ben Schloss (’19)

Your Fun Uncle

This is a rap about the legend Ben Schloss:

Who everyone refers to as “The Big Boss”

The ladies think he is as tasty as “Haagen Dazs”

After they done, they use his curly hair as floss,

And then he repairs their hearts with his Gauze,

As he is more worshipped than the Latin Cross,

And he heats up the party like Tobasco Sauce,

When it comes to the ladies he’s got profit no loss,

As he flies away with them like an albatross,

He’s got the jumping swag of Kriss Kross

And the guys below are all at loss,

As they look at the one and only big hoss.

Ben Schenck (’19)

The Chosen One. Velociraptor.

Ben Schenck: Sir Benedictus Schenckopotomus Esquire IV, aka Ben Schenck, has been misread by many. Perpetually overshadowed by his more illustrious brother, Ben Schenk, with whom Schenck is often confused, Ben Schenck lives in the steam tunnels beneath campus, waiting for the day when his own brilliance is recognized and he can emerge like a messiah from the depths. As revealed in the Great Prophecy of the Koach Family:

“When the nation feels the burn

When day becomes night before dusk

When Indiana lives again, as at birth

When green is brought to red

And green is protected from red

Then we are ready for the one

Born of vapor, forgotten by a name

To lead AEPi to the promised land”

As best as we can interpret, this means that if Bernie Sanders becomes president during a total solar eclipse at the same time that Harrison Ford plays Indiana Jones again, plants are grown on Mars, and effective initiatives to combat climate change are put in place, then Ben Schenck will arrive from below campus to lead our fraternity to its destined place of greatness. Or he’ll just keep on being the chill guy he already is.

Zach Schiffman (’20)

Husband Material.

 

Not even Shakespeare himself could pen a blurb to render a proper illustration of the one and only Zachary Schiffman, but such is my task. Suffice it to say that the man is at once a seminal founder of our nation; a gifted World War II submarine commander; the freshly-minted Scribe of our humble chapter; and seasonally, a server of prawns, lobsters, &c., to boot. Legend has it that the indefatigable thespian was once appraised to be worth half a score of goats (at first glance a petty sum but in truth a hefty quantity of bovid when you stop and think about it!) Indeed, his peers regard Mr. Schiffman as stellar husband material.

Eddie Millman (’20)

Crunch.

Emerging from Virginia’s heartland, Sir Edward Millman perfectly fits the stereotypical mold of an RVA hipster. Camera around neck? Some call him Filmin’ Millman. The look? See attached photo. Obscure collection of music and artwork? I would give examples here if I had any idea how to describe any of it. Guitar in hand? Sometimes even in both hands. Speaking of which, Eddie’s silky smooth plucking and fingering is second to none, and he continues Tau Pi’s long line of musical geniuses. What Eddie lacks in (insert things that ordinary humans lack), he makes up for in style, intellect, and class. “Crunch” will undoubtedly take our chapter to new heights.

David Warsof (’20)

NJB, Spider.

Hailing from that unexplored shed in your backyard, David Warsof is one of the most charming, thoughtful, and intelligent arachnids you’ll ever meet!

As a run of the mill NJB, he hopes to use his powers for good; he can be seen volunteering abroad and capturing Potential New Members in his web in his spare time. Known by all the brothers for his mad game, David spends his days hiding stealthily underneath rocks, where he secures himself numerous, numerous mates.

Max Sacher (’20)

Teller of how it is.

Even when he’s hopelessly lost, Max will have the nerve to tell you that you’re heading in the wrong direction. This little ball of sarcasm provides that dose of sass you forgot you needed. This denizen of ever-exotic NOVA has learnt to adapt to the marshy environment that is Williamsburg. You might find him swimming in the Crim Dell on a sunny afternoon or traipsing around “lost” in the Barrett forest after Debate formal. You can spot him in the wild at an AEPi party by just listening for one of his signature rebukes through the blaring Chainsmokers. In all seriousness, this lion’s rhetorical skills are ??. Call him, tweet him, but you can’t ever beat him. Let’s see what he can do.

 

Nico Druck (’20)

The legend of Nico Druck begins in the heart of the Arctic Sea. The story goes that he wasn’t born, simply awoken by the ripples in the universe that signal the end of times. As a child in the arctic that had only just awoken after an incomprehensible amount of time in his seemingly endless slumber, he rode to Vienna, VA on a gallant, seafaring steed. The stories here diverge, each claiming that his stead was anything from Cthulu to a boat-sized conglomeration of plankton to Vladimir Putin himself riding on his own steed. Regardless, the Druck finds himself some time later in the place he calls home, with one goal in mind: to join the Tau Pi chapter of AEPi in order to save the world… Legend has it that his power originates from flour, in any of its various forms. The stories say that he must bathe in flour every year around his birthday so that he can be ready to fight and save the world, so that means it is our duty to see to it that he does so. He is our only hope Oh bee one can o’ peas.

Guy Rahat (’20)

Leaning Tower of Portland

Hailing from the hippie capital of Portland and the exotic fairy tail Kingdom of the Jews (aka Israel), Guy Rahat is not your typical Nova Nib. In fact, he is not typical in any sense of the word.  Known for his inspiring cooking skills, eccentric tv personality, and confusion-causing similarity celebrity chef Guy Fieri, he is one of our chapters most interesting members.  Though he’s not always the most outspoken guy (mediocre pun intended), you can get your mouthful of his views simply by checking out his completely uncontroversial social media posts or by giving him a few beverages.

If this wonderful NIB can manage to stay on his feet (literally, he has trouble keeping his balance), I’m sure he’ll one day achieve greatness

 

Dave Naitove (’20)

 

Michael Blumenfeld (‘20)
Poker champion, Academy Award-Winning Actor

In a world where the more money we come upon, the more problems we see…
Comes one man, clothed in loafers and a Chess Club T-shirt…
Out to steal yo girl, then debit her assets all night long…
 
He WILL tout erroneous spreadsheets he created for Catan.
He WILL take you up on that bet you were mostly joking about.
He WILL do your taxes… at an extremely competitive rate.
 
He is…

Michael Blumenfeld: The Accountant



Parsa Soltani (’20)

“Most humans must ingest calories for energy, but Parsa simply emits energy continuously, to a degree even our Sun often gets jealous. However, instead of powering solar panels, Parsa went on to use his radiance to illuminate the mathematical field, transforming it by disproving all contemporary mathematics before reproving them. Having amassed infinite knowledge, he moved on to finance. Taking the financial world by storm, he would go on to put Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, and Chase out of business before buying them as well as Wall Street and the City of London.

However, unimaginable wealth and wisdom wasn’t enough. Parsa had one more goal in mind: to learn the fine arts, to truly express his incredible adventure. So off he went into the desert for 420 days and 420 nights. When he returned, it is said he sang colors and painted emotions so beautifully nature was made it’s image. To this day, Parsa lives a simple life in the jungles, bringing light to unfortunate trees throughout the world.”

 


Sam Belding (’20)

Legend has it that Sam Belding rose from the ashes to fulfill one task, and one task only: make AEPi Tau Pi the sickest fraternity on campus at W&M. Ever since Sam fled from Philadelphia following the infamous Philly Gainz Purge of 2016, he has been killing the game in Williamsburg. It was only during January 2017 that Sam took the first step toward his fate when he realized he wanted to join AEPi Tau Pi. Since then, he has honed body and mind in the pursuit of 100% performance. His good looks, wit, and mind-reading powers are the envy of all of campus. Rumor has it that when ‘Ye and Jay wrote hit album “Watch the Throne” together, they were prophesizing Sam’s ascent to King of AEPi Tau Pi. Only time will tell if Sam can fulfill his destiny.

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Evan Leibowitz (’20)

Adding to AEPi’s cohort of RVA natives, Evan carries himself with a peculiar sort of modest sophistication — an admirable characteristic much needed in a gang lacking in both humility and culture. He’s unassuming in casual interaction, yet the more one learns of this man, the more one appreciates the breadth of his passion for science, civics, and the arts. He loves biology and cares deeply for animals, hence his pursuit of veterinarian school; owing to a rigorous academic background, he owns an exceptional knowledge of wordly affairs, like politics and history; time not spent in service of humanity he spends on Broadway, where his favorite musical is Dear Evan Hansen. Evidently, Evan is a true Mensch. His grace, natural talent, and magnanimity garner respect so universal that his Big named him ‘Pogo the Clown’. Only a man of this caliber could reclaim for the children a figure they once loved so much.

 

Sam Laveson (’20)