Harrison Feiner ’19
International Man of Mystery
Drew is a pretty cool guy, know what I mean? Like I’m not even exaggerating though. When he’s not skiing all over the country, he’s skiing all into your DM’s. He’s simultaneously Mr. Steal Your Girl and the NJB you want to bring home to Bubbe. After spending some time at St. Andrews perfecting his golf game and learning more about how to flood your timeline with pro-Israel videos, Drew hopes to use his extensive knowledge of IR and ukulele to “make America great again.” Seriously, you should get to know him, I’m not even lying.
Peter hails from the unknown lands beyond the Hudson, the fabled New England. What wonders can he tell us of life in New Hampshire, whose people are so wise and knowledgeable that they were chosen by Moses, Abe Lincoln, and Santa Claus to vote in the first primary? With the blonde hair and vineyard vines apparel of a true man from the North East, people wonder what he could possibly gain from this 18th century backwater that is Williamsburg in sleepy South East Virginia. Peter is a cultured man, speaking about 17 languages, including Kling-on, Elfish, and WASP. Studying International Relations and Economics, with a concentration in Starboard Tacks, Peter is destined to find fame and fortune along his journey to find brotherhood and friendship.
President of the World.
“Bridging the gap between your representative and your girl”
From the inauspicious streets of the Dirty Jerz to freshman class president, Jonah’s inexorable quest toward supremacy is a sight to behold. “Experienced”, “A leader”, “Altruistic”, “A tribesman”, and “Motivated” are just some of the descriptors Jonah assigns himself, and the fraternity can attest to their truth. “He’s out to rule the world”, observes fellow Macher Kevin Kay. Between dominating Student Assembly with an iron fist and double majoring in business and psychology, the Prez manages to carve out time to run rush. Clearly his ambitions of world rule know no end.
Your Fun Uncle
This is a rap about the legend Ben Schloss:
Who everyone refers to as “The Big Boss”
The ladies think he is as tasty as “Haagen Dazs”
After they done, they use his curly hair as floss,
And then he repairs their hearts with his Gauze,
As he is more worshipped than the Latin Cross,
And he heats up the party like Tobasco Sauce,
When it comes to the ladies he’s got profit no loss,
As he flies away with them like an albatross,
He’s got the jumping swag of Kriss Kross
And the guys below are all at loss,
As they look at the one and only big hoss.
The Chosen One. Velociraptor.
Ben Schenck: Sir Benedictus Schenckopotomus Esquire IV, aka Ben Schenck, has been misread by many. Perpetually overshadowed by his more illustrious brother, Ben Schenk, with whom Schenck is often confused, Ben Schenck lives in the steam tunnels beneath campus, waiting for the day when his own brilliance is recognized and he can emerge like a messiah from the depths. As revealed in the Great Prophecy of the Koach Family:
“When the nation feels the burn
When day becomes night before dusk
When Indiana lives again, as at birth
When green is brought to red
And green is protected from red
Then we are ready for the one
Born of vapor, forgotten by a name
To lead AEPi to the promised land”
As best as we can interpret, this means that if Bernie Sanders becomes president during a total solar eclipse at the same time that Harrison Ford plays Indiana Jones again, plants are grown on Mars, and effective initiatives to combat climate change are put in place, then Ben Schenck will arrive from below campus to lead our fraternity to its destined place of greatness. Or he’ll just keep on being the chill guy he already is.
Emerging from Virginia’s heartland, Sir Edward Millman perfectly fits the stereotypical mold of an RVA hipster. Camera around neck? Some call him Filmin’ Millman. The look? See attached photo. Obscure collection of music and artwork? I would give examples here if I had any idea how to describe any of it. Guitar in hand? Sometimes even in both hands. Speaking of which, Eddie’s silky smooth plucking and fingering is second to none, and he continues Tau Pi’s long line of musical geniuses. What Eddie lacks in (insert things that ordinary humans lack), he makes up for in style, intellect, and class. “Crunch” will undoubtedly take our chapter to new heights.
Hailing from that unexplored shed in your backyard, David Warsof is one of the most charming, thoughtful, and intelligent arachnids you’ll ever meet!
As a run of the mill NJB, he hopes to use his powers for good; he can be seen volunteering abroad and capturing Potential New Members in his web in his spare time. Known by all the brothers for his mad game, David spends his days hiding stealthily underneath rocks, where he secures himself numerous, numerous mates.
Teller of how it is.
Even when he’s hopelessly lost, Max will have the nerve to tell you that you’re heading in the wrong direction. This little ball of sarcasm provides that dose of sass you forgot you needed. This denizen of ever-exotic NOVA has learnt to adapt to the marshy environment that is Williamsburg. You might find him swimming in the Crim Dell on a sunny afternoon or traipsing around “lost” in the Barrett forest after Debate formal. You can spot him in the wild at an AEPi party by just listening for one of his signature rebukes through the blaring Chainsmokers. In all seriousness, this lion’s rhetorical skills are ??. Call him, tweet him, but you can’t ever beat him. Let’s see what he can do.
Leaning Tower of Portland
Hailing from the hippie capital of Portland and the exotic fairy tail Kingdom of the Jews (aka Israel), Guy Rahat is not your typical Nova Nib. In fact, he is not typical in any sense of the word. Known for his inspiring cooking skills, eccentric tv personality, and confusion-causing similarity celebrity chef Guy Fieri, he is one of our chapters most interesting members. Though he’s not always the most outspoken guy (mediocre pun intended), you can get your mouthful of his views simply by checking out his completely uncontroversial social media posts or by giving him a few beverages.
If this wonderful NIB can manage to stay on his feet (literally, he has trouble keeping his balance), I’m sure he’ll one day achieve greatness
“Most humans must ingest calories for energy, but Parsa simply emits energy continuously, to a degree even our Sun often gets jealous. However, instead of powering solar panels, Parsa went on to use his radiance to illuminate the mathematical field, transforming it by disproving all contemporary mathematics before reproving them. Having amassed infinite knowledge, he moved on to finance. Taking the financial world by storm, he would go on to put Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, and Chase out of business before buying them as well as Wall Street and the City of London.
However, unimaginable wealth and wisdom wasn’t enough. Parsa had one more goal in mind: to learn the fine arts, to truly express his incredible adventure. So off he went into the desert for 420 days and 420 nights. When he returned, it is said he sang colors and painted emotions so beautifully nature was made it’s image. To this day, Parsa lives a simple life in the jungles, bringing light to unfortunate trees throughout the world.”
Legend has it that Sam Belding rose from the ashes to fulfill one task, and one task only: make AEPi Tau Pi the sickest fraternity on campus at W&M. Ever since Sam fled from Philadelphia following the infamous Philly Gainz Purge of 2016, he has been killing the game in Williamsburg. It was only during January 2017 that Sam took the first step toward his fate when he realized he wanted to join AEPi Tau Pi. Since then, he has honed body and mind in the pursuit of 100% performance. His good looks, wit, and mind-reading powers are the envy of all of campus. Rumor has it that when ‘Ye and Jay wrote hit album “Watch the Throne” together, they were prophesizing Sam’s ascent to King of AEPi Tau Pi. Only time will tell if Sam can fulfill his destiny.
Evan Leibowitz (’20)
Adding to AEPi’s cohort of RVA natives, Evan carries himself with a peculiar sort of modest sophistication — an admirable characteristic much needed in a gang lacking in both humility and culture. He’s unassuming in casual interaction, yet the more one learns of this man, the more one appreciates the breadth of his passion for science, civics, and the arts. He loves biology and cares deeply for animals, hence his pursuit of veterinarian school; owing to a rigorous academic background, he owns an exceptional knowledge of wordly affairs, like politics and history; time not spent in service of humanity he spends on Broadway, where his favorite musical is Dear Evan Hansen. Evidently, Evan is a true Mensch. His grace, natural talent, and magnanimity garner respect so universal that his Big named him ‘Pogo the Clown’. Only a man of this caliber could reclaim for the children a figure they once loved so much.
Troy Cullen (’21)
Troy “Leftover Bean-Paste” “For the last time, my name’s not Edward” Cullen is… an interesting man. He has a secret, and sharing it would put the world at risk. This man could’ve ridden unicorns in the Mushroom Kingdom and swam to the deepest depths of the Mariana Trench for all we know. Is Troy Cullen even his real name? I suppose we shall never know. All that we can assume is that it is literally all true and more, because he was so in the shadows and unsuspecting in every interaction the Fraternity has had with this man that there has to be more. I don’t trust a man who doesn’t shout. Therefore, to disable this probable Russian spy, I have decreed that this man shall never go unnoticed again, for he is… “THE TROJANATOR – DESTROYER OF WORLDS, CRUSHER OF SOULS, AND ANNIHILATOR OF DREAMS AND AMBITIONS” And the whole world must know!!!
Ephraim Kozodoy (’21)
Nathan Paull (’21)
Hailing from the ATL, Nathan Paull is a bundle of fun loving energy. Whether it be maintaining the security of his facebook account or squatting some heavy ass weights, Nathan always puts in the maximum effort. As a STEM major, Nathan always looks like he has gotten enough sleep, especially when he goes to the gym in the morning. Nathan also has some of the best paparazzi skills ever. If you are outside, you aren’t safe from his photography skillz. Nathan and his big are literally father and son, and he certainly is a bigtymr as he is always doing everything BIG LEAGUE.
Nathan Salomonsky (’21)
Often described as looking like the store brand version of his Big Brother (David W.), Nathan is the definition of an NJB. Nathan has a charming baby face that shines bright like a freshly caught tuna. With a big personality, Jim Halpert’s facial expressions, and Trump-like hand gestures, Nathan makes his presents felt whenever he enters the room. Intelligent, cunning, and witty, Nathan is a natural born leader in the business world and in the Fraternity.
Martin Lahm (’21)
Josh Lipton (’21)
As the sole survivor of the zombie apocalypse, Josh arrived fresh out of Atlanta with a crossbow strapped to his back and determination in his eyes. His goal? To defend William & Mary from those who would seek to eat the brains of its students, all the while maintaining perfect grades and a dashing smile. Especially useful to the fraternity are his skills at knife throwing, wilderness survival, flamethrower assembly, and ping pong. However, it remains to be seen if even this god among men can ever carry the Falcons to a football victory.
Michael Nelkin (’22)
Wow. Another NJB from NYC! Michael Nelkin is the epitome of Jewish leadership. He can be located on campus by his cooler backpack and Gucci slippers. His infectious smile lights up the room, and the ladies swoon for his curls. He also has extensive knowledge of the economy, particularly the GDP.
Jake Galla (’22)
Smashing his way through the jungles of college, JAKE the explorer is here! Hailing from the proto-urban sprawl around the nation’s capital, this Super Brawler will charm his way into a circle near you. And, true to his Elders of Zion lineage, he is here to stay. Say hello to your future leader.